'Ryan's Story' Comes to SSMS

John Halligan's message to  parents on Tuesday night was clear: know what your child is doing on the Internet, and encourage them to come to you if they're being bullied. If they don't, he said, there could be grave consequences.

Halligan's son, Ryan, was bullied and cyber-bullied while in middle school in Essex Junction, VT. Ryan, who was 13 at the time, was a constant target of excessive ridicule and online humiliation by his peers  — even from those whom he considered friends — after a rumor started that he was gay. The pain eventually became unbearable for him, and on Oct. 7, 2003, Ryan committed suicide.

Since then, Halligan has dedicated his life to spreading his son's story to parents around the country, and offering tips on how they can keep their kids safe from cyber bullies. In memory of his son, Halligan spearheaded the Vermont Bully Prevention bill which was signed into law in May 2004. 

After Ryan's death, Halligan said that he, "underestimated the affect of emotional bullying." He noted that though the bullying began as physical, it later morphed into something much worse. He taught Ryan how to defend himself, but even after a physical confrontation with one bully, the constant verbal attacks  —through the Internet and in person — continued.

Halligan added that unmonitored computer use was a "big mistake."

While trying to figure out what pushed his son to suicide, Halligan found tons of saved online conversations Ryan had with various kids, included those who bullied him, and said, "my heart broke into a million pieces...again," after reading the type of vitriol some adolescents unleashed on Ryan. His son had followed his rule of not talking to strangers online, Halligan said, but his tormentors were kids Ryan knew from school.

Halligan explained that bullying has nothing to do with conflict, and often is enhanced by those who stand by and watch. "It's not OK to be a bystander," he said, noting that if maybe one student spoke out against Ryan's tormentors, his life may have been saved.

In a 2009 Youth Risk Behavior Study done by New York State, Halligan said that 23 percent of kids surveyed felt sad and hopeless — a key ingredient to suicide. Thirteen percent seriously considered attempting suicide, while another seven percent tried to kill themselves.

A dry eye was hard to find when Halligan detailed his son's story, and several parents were enlightened to how the Internet can wreak havoc in an adolescent's life. "I had no idea about the web cam," Anne McCabe said, referring to Halligan's warning that outside users could access a laptop web cam without permission. "It was very moving. My son told me I had to come down for this."

Halligan had conducted a different presentation solely for middle school students on Tuesday morning.

Middle School Principal Shelagh McGinn said she hoped the presentation urges parents to get more involved in their kids' social lives. "I hope that they take the time to press pause on their lives and talk to their kids," McGinn said. 

Board of Education member Gregg Spaulding said that his seventh-grade son attended the earlier presentation, and asked if Spaulding could go to the one for parents because he wanted to speak with him about it. "This was definitely a good insight into parenting needs," he said. "It was excellent...emotional. It brought a tear to my eye."

To learn more about Ryan's story, click here.